Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
