Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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