Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
