nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
