my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
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