Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
