capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
