did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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