Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
