i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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