you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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