You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i barfeds in our rink
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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