He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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