I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
