don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
