She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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