I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
