I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
