is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How's work?
Spinning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
