i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
