I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
