i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
