kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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