i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
