I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
