I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
