C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
