You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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