Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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