some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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