I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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