He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
