my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
