Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
