i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
