I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
