ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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