So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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