well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
