Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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