Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
