id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
