all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
