Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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