In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
