Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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