Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
