Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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