Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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