I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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