i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
