I wish my penis had an off switch
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
