ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
