I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
