I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
