Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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