just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
