how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
