just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
